Sunday, March 1, 2020

Reluctantly I Begin

Honesty, I didn't plan to be here.

March 1 has loomed large in front of me like a dark, ominous cloud. For the last five years I have eagerly anticipated the start of the Slice of Life Story Challenge. The thought of writing, and sharing that writing with others, filled me with nervous excitement. And when I reached the end of the month having accomplished what I set out to do, I felt enormous satisfaction.

But not this year. This year, I have felt a sense of dread. I'm not sure I can do it. Not this year. I don't have the time or the energy. I don't want to be constrained by the rigid structure of narrative to tell my life's story. It's been so long since I have written, I don't know if I can even string together coherent thoughts anymore. Even if I can, I am not sure if anyone will want to read them. 

There are so many reasons not to be here.

And yet I am.

For as loud as the voice has been shouting at me all the reasons why I shouldn't, there has been a small voice at the back, quietly urging, Do it.

I don't want to, the louder voice shouted back.

That's exactly why you should, came the response.

So I begin again, not sure that I will be able to make it through the month, not sure that the right words will materialize when I need them to. Such is life, I suppose. We never know what lies ahead or if we'll have the strength to meet the challenges that inevitably arise along the way. 

But onward we go.

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  1. I think your conversation with yourself you shared is a live commentary, which is interesting narrative to me. I like listening in on other peoples' conversations. :-) I felt happy that the Challenge is on, but today some sad news came so I'm grieving for a friend's loss.

  2. Thank you for reading! I hope you and your friend find the strength needed to endure your friend's loss. Take care.


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