To Write or Not to Write

I missed a day of writing. Again.

Yesterday was the second time I didn't post to my blog. Once upon a time, I would have beaten myself up over it, feeling like I had failed. I'm looking at it a bit differently this time.

On both occasions that I haven't written this month, it has been a conscious choice. The first time was a Friday night, and as any teacher can tell you, Friday-night tired is a whole other level of tired. I sat with my computer on my lap and made several attempts to write before giving up and succumbing to the lure of a glass of wine and watching a movie with my husband, unwinding from a long week of work.

Last night was a similar experience. It was Open House and I put in a twelve-hour day. After school got out, I was busy straightening up the room, hanging a few final projects on the wall, grading papers, and writing sub plans for Friday. This was all followed, of course, by an hour of greeting parents and students and engaging in awkward conversations. As I drove home, I replayed many of those conversations in my head and tried to think of something I could write. Time was running out. For the Slice of Life challenge, posts must be shared by 9:00 p.m. By the time I got home, there wouldn't be much time to write. I thought about writing something short, just to preserve my "streak." A six word memoir would do the trick.

But I really didn't want to do that. I didn't want to write something, anything, just so I could say I wrote. After not writing for two years, I have been enjoying this crazy, sometimes frustrating, process of coming up with an idea, writing it down, revising it, then revising it more before hitting that publish button. The words don't always flow and it seldom comes out as good as I had hoped, but it has helped to make me feel like me again. I realized that I'd rather not write at all then to write something that is nothing more than a place-holder.

When I made the decision to not write last night, I wasn't giving up; I was taking control. And that felt pretty damn good.