Indulging in the Journey

 It's late Sunday afternoon and I am finally granting myself permission to sit without guilt. The morning was spent cleaning house and doing laundry; the afternoon, writing lesson plans and doing more laundry. Now, it's time for me.

I've made myself a cup of tea that sits on the small table next to my chair. The sweet and spicy scent is comforting, just what I was seeking, as I rock gently back and forth. The room is beginning to darken, though I can still spot splashes of golden sunlight outside my window.

I now realize that I've been living in a state of panic for days, worried that come March 1, the first day of the Slice of Life Story Challenge, I would not know what to write. That I would have nothing to say. It's not really that I have nothing to say, just so many thoughts these days seem half-conceived before they evaporate and another one takes its place., only for it, too, to disappear. My inner-critic writes in red ink all over my brain, telling me my ideas aren't fully developed and I have not proved my point. Yeah, my inner-critic is a bit of a jerk.

So, I guess I'll begin this year's Slice of Life Story Challenge by being completely upfront and honest. I don't have any answers. You're not likely to find on these pages delicious bits of wisdom that were just what you were looking for to make sense of life and the human experience. More likely, you're only going to find endless questions and wild ruminations as I ponder what life and its daily miracles and mayhem might possibly mean.

It's only fitting, I suppose, that the quote on the tea bag tag dangling down the side of my mug is this: Life isn't a puzzle to solve but a journey to indulge in. (Amber Mejia) I am, I'm afraid, forever trying to solve the puzzle. And failing miserably, I might add. Where is the wisdom that was promised would come with age? All I've gotten so far is a bunch of lines and gray hairs. 

"Indulge."

I keep coming back to that word. What a joyous way to look at life! As something rich and decadent and on the verge of being forbidden. That is to live life with gusto, not weighed down by the fear of unseen forces that could knock you off your feet at any given moment or the thought that you owe anyone outside your inner circle more than what you're willing to give. It is to live life with appreciation, savoring every moment of the ride.

Which is another way to say, I do believe, that life needs to be lived with a grateful heart. It is appreciating all the moments, the good and the bad, too, perhaps. Some days this is more easily achieved than others, I will admit. On the brightest days, my heart swells with gratitude for all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. Those are the days when indulging in life is a joy. Other days, well, it's a bit of a struggle. Irritations and disappointments seem to pile up before me, creating a mountain of bitterness blocking all else from view. Finding gratitude on those days is like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack. Those kinds of days are, of course, the ones when we need gratitude the most.

So, today I am grateful to be participating in the Slice of Life Story Challenge once more, where I will be compelled to savor the moments of each day, to find the richness in the simplicity, and indulge in this journey we call life.