One Step at a Time

A revised list of job openings was posted today. My principal had texted me last night to let me know it would be coming out today, so I had had one eye on my email all morning. When it finally arrived, I was relieved to see multiple positions had been added. Maybe the perfect job for me was somewhere on the list.

I printed out the list, snapped a quick picture, and sent it to my closest friends. "Here are my choices," I wrote. "Thoughts?"

Right away one of my friends texted back. "What does your heart want?"

Ah, that's the tricky part, isn't it? 

I don't know that I have paid particular attention to my heart in recent years. I rely on my sense of responsibility and logic to lead me through life. Which probably explains why I've been stuck in the same position for 14 years now. It's safe and it's familiar, but is it what my heart has wanted? That I'm not so sure of.

Anyway, is your heart really all that reliable? What if your heart only thinks it knows what it wants and ends up leading down a most regrettable path? 

Which is where I am in my thought process right now, wondering if the direction my heart seems to be leaning is truly the right direction. Self-doubt creeps in, whispering that pain and suffering and failure lie at the end of that path. 

But I have been here before. I heard that voice many years ago when I first set out to become a teacher. I had graduated from college and was working in a clerical position at a financial consulting firm, but I had the good sense to know that wasn't where I wanted to be. Signs were pointing me toward teaching, but I feared that I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't picture it.

I reached a point, however, where I knew I had to try. So, I took it one step at a time, focusing on the step right in front of me and ignoring the frightening and overwhelming future it was leading me toward. One little step really isn't all that scary.

That was over 25 years ago. I admire the young woman I was then for being able to conquer fear and self-doubt and for listening to and understanding her heart.

Perhaps I need to take my cue from her by trusting my heart a little more and then just taking that first step.