Life felt heavy yesterday.
I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, recognizing that it was the one-year anniversary of getting the word that our school was shutting down due to the pandemic.
Maybe it was experiencing a second bad day in a row with N. It had started off promising, with him declaring that he had actually eaten breakfast, but it wasn't long before I noticed that once again he was putting his head down on his desk, refusing to follow directions.
Maybe it was realizing that for the fourth week in a row, only six students had completed any of the optional homework assignments I had made available.
Maybe it was getting to the end of the day, wanting to go home before five o'clock, but realizing that there were Chromebooks and library books that needed sanitizing, piles of papers that needed grading, emails to send, lessons to plan, and an engagement report that needed to be filed.
Maybe it was receiving word that our principal wanted to meet with our grade level on Monday to talk about next year's staffing and experiencing that sinking feeling that I will end up being the one asked to leave as we lose a third grade class next year.
Maybe it was learning that the eagles' nest that my students and I have been observing all year had suffered a tragic loss, all three eggs, just days away from hatching, destroyed by ravens.
Maybe it was all those things and a million other little, unidentified worries and wonderings that when piled on top of one another, just proved to be too heavy a load to bear.
Whatever the reason, by the time I left work last night I felt empty and spent.
A glass of wine and some chocolate seemed to be in order. to try to mend my broken spirit. After that, all that was left to do was to pray that when the sun rose in the morning my strength would be restored, and I would once more be able to lift up the burden and carry on.