I took a seat on a cushioned bench positioned in front of the large plate glass window. The view from the fifth floor was incredible, and I watched dark gray clouds hanging sullenly over the valley.
A few of the nearby chairs carefully arranged in straight lines held other patients waiting their turn to be called. As I looked at them, I felt out of place. Everyone else was older. At least, that was my perspective. I wondered, though, if anyone walking past would think I fit in with this crowd just fine. It was hard sometimes to remember that I was also an older person. I didn't feel any different than I did when I was in my thirties, and I forgot that I no longer looked the same until I confronted my image in the mirror. How could that middle-aged face be mine? Was this how other people saw me?
Truly a depressing thought.
It was becoming increasingly undeniable that I was no longer young. After all, here I was waiting to have my blood pressure checked. The last couple of readings had been high (I blame work!), and now I was back just two weeks after my last reading to have it checked again. I rebelled against the thought of being put on blood pressure medicine. I wasn't ready to be old.
I returned to looking out the window. I could see the rain clouds inching closer toward my location. If they didn't call me soon, I was sure to be caught in a downpour on my way out. I checked the time on my phone, then opened up the Facebook app to pass the time. The first post I saw was an ad from my husband's store, advertising that today was Senior Day, 10% off your purchase. I almost burst out laughing when I scrolled down to see that their definition of senior was 55 years or older.
Damn! I really was old.
Before I had time to fully process this devastating dose of reality, the nurse came out and called my name. I tried to relax and put myself in a meditative state as the blood pressure cuff squeezed my arm. Three times it squeezed and three times I willed it to not be high. The monitor was turned away from me, so I could only hope.
The moment of truth arrived with the opening of the door. The nurse stepped in, looked at the monitor, and began clapping.
Ha ha! Take that, old age! Looks like you're going to have to wait a bit longer to make my acquaintance. (But I will take that 10% discount.)
I had to read your post when I saw your title. I remember seeing a news story where they were talking about a 60 year old woman who had been beat up. It made me sad and I even said outloud: That poor older lady! Then I realized that I had just turned 60! It's such a weird reality.
ReplyDeleteThis made me chuckle, Amanda. I don't think any of us are ready to be "old". But the part about looking in the mirror hit home. It is sometimes a real shocker to see myself when I'm not expecting it!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear the numbers are looking better. Last year was the first time in my life I have ever had high blood pressure too. I'm sure aging has something to do with it, but also, yes, work! Like you, I picture myself kind of permanently in my 30s and it was be quite a surprise to catch an unexpected glimpse of myself and realize oh no, I'm not anywhere close to 30!!
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